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Why The "Dear Daddy, I'm Going to be Called a Whore" Video Bothers Me

Posted on 15 December 2015

It's a powerful statement, right? It's just too bad that the statements and conclusions that follow in the rest of the video are more than a little bit out of touch with reality.

Before I continue, I want to make it clear that there's no universe in which I'm good with boys (or anyone else for that matter) calling women whores, bitches, cunts or any other derogatory name meant to make us feel "less than".

The problem that I have with the video is that it suggests a few things that simply aren't true as it relates to behaviour of degrading name calling:

  1. It suggests boys who use the word "whore" are the same boys who will later sexually assault, rape and / or physically abuse someone later in life
  2. It suggests that the action fathers can take to stop this end result is teaching their children not to use the words whore, cunt or bitch

Now, you already know my position on the language and, as someone who endured a sexual assault of my own in my early childhood years, you might expect that I'd sympathize with this message.

Instead, I call bullshit.

Do I believe that every child or man who utters the word "whore, cunt, or bitch" will turn in to a physically or sexually abusive partner later? No. 

Do I believe that use of these terms is a horribly misguided way of acting out towards women instead of dealing with the underlying feelings a boy or man is having in the moment? Absolutely.

So what's the fix?

I think it's simple.

Instead of merely teaching your children not to use foul language (because let's face it, they're going to be influenced by others and likely try it on for size anyway), I'd rather see us teach them to RESPECT THEMSELVES AND EVERY OTHER PERSON THEY MEET.

I think respect, even on the smallest levels, is the key to raising kids who grow up knowing it's not okay to take advantage of a drunk girl at a party, to call someone a foul name because you're feeling rejected or want to get their attention, or to aim your fists at someone else when you're angry or upset.

I think self-respect drives how we each behave in daily life. I respect myself too much to let someone else's behaviour bring me to a level where I no longer respect myself.

I respect my peers, even ones I dislike, at the most basic level - the level humanity. I understand that other people's feelings and behaviours are not mine to pass judgment on, that it's never okay to take something from another HUMAN BEING that isn't expressly given, and that respect on the most basic level requires that I behave in a way I wouldn't be ashamed of seeing printed on the front page of the newspaper. 

If we teach our kids to respect themselves and others in this way, and lead by example, I truly believe we'll have fewer broken men in the universe and many, many less broken women as a result.

So, yes, it bothers me that this video is going viral and people are asking their friends to watch and share, because it's not the simple behaviour of name calling that is causing these problems for girls and women later, it's a core belief system whereby these children who grow up to be abusive people are never taught to respect themselves or other people as the governing rule that influences everything else in their lives.

What do you think?

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2 comments

  • Dionne (Little Misfits): February 24, 2016

    I’m with you 100%, Jordan. It’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard in a long time.

  • Jordan: December 15, 2015

    I can’t tell you how many times I was called these names growing up. Boys didn’t do it. GIRLS did. They set the stage. Not the boys. This video bothers me on so many levels. To the point where I want to hunt down whoever made this and tell them exactly WHY they are wrong in so many ways.

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